Don’t Take It Personally - Or Should You?

At many stages in my own life I have cringed when someone said to me “Don’t Take It Personally”, because it didn’t ring true for me.  

Of course, there are times when not taking it personally is the best advice we can take.  But there will be times when it is important to see what is being triggered in you that is causing you to take something personally. 

If you neglect to take this step, then what is being triggered is being kept in the shadow so to speak, you are brushing it under the carpet.    But things that are kept in the shadow or brushed under the carpet and still there.    

Power In Relationship Dynamics  

Let’s take an example of a relationship dynamic.   Take a mother and her child.    We know that at certain times in a child’s development they will push buttons, the first one being around what is known as the terrible twos.  This is an important developmental stage for a child, it is when they are growing into their third chakra, their power centre.    They suddenly realise that they have a will of their own.   A child may be described as being very strong-willed. 

The second stage is when the child transitioning into a teenager.   It’s another natural progression and at this stage, they are beginning to discover an independent world outside of their parents.   Again, it’s a necessary stage of development.  

These are times when setting boundaries are necessary for both adult and child.    It is proven that children who have boundaries are happier in themselves. 

Of course, that doesn’t mean they won't rebel against those boundaries, but,there is safety in having them in place.   

They know what is expected of them.   

As an adult going through these transitions with your children, you need to develop boundaries for yourself.  An example is a boundary around what you allow your children to say to you.     If a child has grown up in a tense environment where there has been abuse towards the mother, either physical or emotional, they will have developed their perception of the masculine and the feminine from their environment.  

How does Mom react to the abuse?  Does she take it?  They may wonder why she never stands up for herself?   What does Dad/abuser say to her?   Does Dad/abuser talk to the child about the Mom? 

A woman who finds herself being emotionally abused by her husband may begin to see a pattern developing in her child when they enter into their teenage years.  Children pick up power dynamics from their surroundings and some children can mimic the abuse unconsciously.   

This is where I caution challenging “Don’t Take it Personally”

 If your partner or your child is causing you to feel in any way under-mined, you have the right to challenge what is triggering you.  If you have no boundaries as to how you allow someone to treat you, they will treat you as they wish.  

When you have boundaries in place it tells others what is not acceptable and what you will not put up with.  

Its an act of self-care and self-love.   

It is never too late to start.   Even in your relationship with a partner cannot be rescued, you can certainly re-train your children as to how you want to be treated. 

When they see you doing things that empower you, whether that be doing an exercise class and refusing to allow anything to get in your way of doing it, they see you as looking after yourself.  

If they see you looking after your health by eating healthy food, even if you cook different foods for them, they see you nurturing yourself.  

Never under-estimate the power of doing things that empower you.   Your actions often have a greater effect on others then your words.

Next time you get triggered and before you take an action ask yourself “Is this the reality you want to create”?    

You will keep getting the same results until we do something differently.

How to make changes

Take an eagle’s eye view of where you want to go and become clear of what is not working for you in your environment.  If you need to put up a boundary be clear about it and communicate it to others.  Analyse if it's working for you.   You will know this by whether or not you keep getting the same results for yourself. 

You may need to let your child know what you will no longer tolerate, or you may start doing something for yourself that, although it may be seen as disruptive to someone else, is important for you.   

When you change there will be a ripple effect on others but, when done lovingly everyone will benefit.   

Another way of looking at this is if you want to stop being a doormat get up of the ground.   

You do this with intention and by consciously knowing what you want, and taking the steps today to get there.   

Remember life is a process and habits can be broken. 

Be consistent and watch as miracles happen around you.